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Sunday 31st October 2004

Permalink 31.10.04 @ 5:37:56 PM Categories: Arty Graphix

Shand and shea

Sand and shells

Pages: 1 2
Permalink 31.10.04 @ 5:17:18 PM Categories: Arty Graphix

Whitstable, Kent

Whitstable, Kent

Pages: 1 2
Permalink 31.10.04 @ 4:52:13 PM Categories: Arty Graphix

all at sea

all at sea

Permalink 31.10.04 @ 12:57:33 PM Categories: Grumpies


It's 31st October and once more masked extortion gangs will be roaming the streets of Britain. Yes folks, demanding money or confectionary with menaces is the order of the day under the guise of that tacky import from Amerika known as "Trick or Treat"

Gangs of grubby urchins banging on the door at night, with veiled threats of scraping their barely legal 3inch blades down the length of your car parked outside the house. It's a great early lesson for the future adults of the country - that unsolicited threats are a way to get what you want.

And what sort of message are we giving to the more innocent of our children? All year round we tell them not to talk to strangers, not to accept sweets from strangers...and then we actively encourage them to go around knocking on the doors of god-knows-who.

Have you noticed when you open the door to the press gang, you always see some shifty father or family friend lurking at a discreet distance in the shadows like some Soho pimp.

I just hope it rains...

Saturday 30th October 2004

Permalink 30.10.04 @ 12:31:00 PM Categories: Tickle

Focus group

focus group

Permalink 30.10.04 @ 12:27:39 PM Categories: Tickle

Good advice


Friday 29th October 2004

Permalink 29.10.04 @ 4:44:47 AM Categories: Tickle

Essex Hurricane Appeal

A major Hurricane (Shazza) measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit in the early hours of Monday. Epicentre: Basildon, Essex. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "faaackin ell" ...

The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage.

Several priceless collections of mementoes from the Balearics and Spanish Costas were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived.
Essex FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Basildon.

One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning."

Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime did carry on as normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.


This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those
unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include: Fila or Burberry baseball caps; Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers); Shell suits (female); White sport socks; Rockport boots; Any other items usually sold in Primark.

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include: Microwave meals; Tins of baked beans; Ice cream; Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.

  • 22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms
  • £2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9
  • £5 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.


Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alco-pop.
'Where are you bleeding from?' they asked.
"ROMFORD" said the girl, "woss that got to do wiv it?"

Permalink 29.10.04 @ 3:04:36 AM Categories: Tickle

Geriatric Symptoms

1. You leave concerts before the end to "beat the rush".

2. You get more excited about having a roast on a Sunday than going clubbing.

3. You stop dreaming of becoming a professional footballer and start dreaming of having a son who might instead.

4. Before throwing the local paper away, you look through the property section.

5. You prefer Later with Jools Holland to Top of the Pops.

6. All of a sudden, Tony Blair is not 50, he's only 50.

7. Before going out anywhere, you ask what the parking is like.

8. Rather than throw a knackered pair of trainers out, you keep them because they'll be all right for the garden.

9. You buy your first ever T-shirt without anything written on it.

10. Instead of laughing at the innovations catalogue that falls out of the newspaper, you suddenly see both the benefit and money saving properties of a plastic winter cover for your garden bench and an electronic mole repellent for the lawn. Not to mention the plastic man for the car to deter would-be thieves.

11. You start to worry about your parents' health.

12. You complain that ecstasy's "not as pure as it used to be coz you know that if you have some it will take about 48 hours to recover and anyway, you might look a bit of an idiot.

13. Sure, you have more disposable income, but everything you want to buy costs between 200 and 500 quid.

14. You don't get funny looks when you buy a Disney video or a Wallace and Gromit bubble bath, as the sales assistant assumes they are for your child.

15. Pop music all starts to sound crap.

16. You opt for Pizza Express over Pizza Hut because they don't have any pictures on the menus and anyway, they do a really nice half-bottle of house white.

17. You become powerless to resist the lure of self-assembly furniture.

18. You always have enough milk in.

19. To compensate for the fact that you have little desire to go clubbing, you instead frequent really loud tapas restaurants and franchise pubs with wacky names in the mistaken belief that you have not turned into your parents.

20. While flicking through the TV channels, you happen upon C4's Time Team with Tony Robinson. You get drawn in.

21. The benefits of a pension scheme become clear.

22. You go out of your way to pick up a colour chart from B&Q.

23. You wish you had a shed.

24. You have a shed.

25. You actually find yourself saying "They don't make 'em like that anymore" or "I remember when there were only 3 TV channels" and "Of course,in my day...."

26. Radio 2 play more songs you know than Radio 1 - and Terry Wogan has some really interesting guests on.

27. Instead of tutting at old people who take ages to get off the bus, you tut at schoolchildren whose diction is poor.

28. When sitting outside a pub you become envious of their hanging baskets.

29. You make an effort to be in and out of the curry house by 11.

30. You find yourself saying 'is it cold in here or is it just me?'

and finally..

31. You come face to face with your own mortality for the first time, and the indestructibility of the 20s gives way to a realisation that you are but passing through this life and if you don't settle down soon and have kids you'll have no-one to look after you when you're old and frail and incontinent and you can't go on drinking yourself silly forever and think of how many brain cells you're destroying every time a swift half turns into 10 pints, and oh look at that, a full set of stainless steel saucepans for 99 quid, they cost as much as 35 each if you buy them separately, and you get a milk pan thrown in...

Tuesday 26th October 2004

Permalink 26.10.04 @ 7:39:44 PM Categories: Media

John Peel

It's ironic that my first post in my "Grumpy Old Man" blog should be about one of the more interesting and laconic stars of the BBC's "Grumpy Old Men" series, none other than the wonderful John Peel. One of the last bastions against the mindless onslaughts of inane commercialised Pop music, DJ John Peel died today aged 65. His ear for real music from all cultures and styles changed the musical tastes of three generations. What an irreplaceable loss.John Peel

Here's a selection of the 30,000+ tributes that poured into the BBC web site this afternoon:

I loved that man. Very cool guy, even when he was being deliberately and devoutly uncool.
Crow, Bristol, England.

John's radio shows were always an oasis against the mainstream desert. A refuge for the otherwise voiceless. A celebration of pioneering music from all over the world. I owe a large part of my CD collection to him. Like the music he played he was a one-off. Thank you.
Neil Dyble, Poole, Dorset

All other airwaves were wall-to-wall formulaic pop
Godfrey Bartlett, Brentwood, England

Back in the late 60s John was the only way some kids could hear 'underground' music. All other airwaves were wall-to-wall formulaic pop. His ear for good sounds was revolutionary. He certainly changed my life. I remember as a teenager hearing Tonto's Expanding Headband, Velvet Underground, Tyrannosaurus Rex, Loudon Wainwright III for the very first time on Radio One's 'Top Gear'. He was a man of integrity: true to himself and his listeners for over 3 decades. Rest easy, John.
Godfrey Bartlett, Brentwood, England

What an awful shock. It feels like a friend has died. Saturday mornings aren't going to be nearly so cosy. My deepest sympathy to his family - how lucky we all were to have him.
Charlotte , Birmingham

Like the music he played he was a one-off
Neil Dyble, Poole, Dorset

John has always strived for a strong and diverse approach to music, and will be missed. I recall seeing him on TV lately, explaining what the word "love" meant. When he talked about his wife Sheila, he welled up. What a super man.
Su Friend, Ascot, Berkshire

A true individual. His depth of knowledge and willingness to play anything as long as it sounded good will mean that his passing will leave a huge void in the British music scene. He'll be sorely missed.
Craig Mudie, Dundee, Scotland

I was introduced to John Peel by my father when I was about eleven or twelve (now almost 40) and have listened to him ever since. I never met him but he introduced me to many of my favourite bands as he did for countless others around the world. I know he will be greatly missed and I send all my sympathy to his wife and family.
Rachel Dean-Titterrell, London

This man changed the nature of broadcasting not once but throughout his working life John, Brighton, UK
Irreplaceable, this man changed the nature of broadcasting not once but throughout his working life. I doubt he is replaceable and hope the BBC will continue to broadcast his thoughts and words for as long as the archive exists. Farewell, I have lost an intelligent, incisive but most of all entertaining friend.
John, Brighton, UK

Although I never met John I felt I actually knew him. He was totally natural in his enthusiasm for music and his attitude to 'celebrity'. My condolences to his family.
Giles, London, UK

John will be sorely missed by many, many people. Unmistakable voice, unparalleled music taste and in inspiration to me. My thoughts to his friends and family. RIP
Phil P, Herts

I am absolutely gutted, the best Disc Jockey in the world has left us. Thank you John for introducing me to so many bands and new genres of music. You will never be forgotten. RIP
Julie Bassett, Loughborough

He invented alternative music and helped me through my difficult teen years - John Peel saved my life, will miss him greatly
Graeme Marsh, Glasgow

What am I going to listen to now? Stunned...
Neil, Brooklyn, NY

Totally shocked, JP came closer to changing my life than any other person in the music industry. Genuinely a huge loss. My sympathies to Sheila and family
Dave, Bristol

A true gent and the only risk-taker left in radio worldwide. Your passing will leave a huge hole in many, many lives, including mine. Love to the family.
Darren Parry, Holyhead, Anglesey

Deadpan self-deprecation, sensitivity and - just occasionally - grumpiness
Pads, London

He made a unique contribution to Radio 4 as well as to Radio 1. His Saturday-morning monologues were a tour de force of deadpan self-deprecation, sensitivity and - just occasionally - grumpiness. Listening to him in full flow was like having a conversation with an old mate - an absolute delight.
Pads, London

Tragic for his family, a great shame for the rest of us that we won't hear him playing great new music into his 70s. I remember him playing what became "grunge" before anyone had heard of Nirvana, and he was the first person anywhere to play "Groove is in the Heart" on the radio, still the best ever dance track. Only last week I was listening to a recording of the 25th anniversary festive 50 quiz with Jarvis Cocker and Billy Bragg among the contestants - most entertaining, and a shame that there won't be another festive 50.
Dominic, Leeds

I'll never forget what he did for alternative music. From Napalm Death to Autechre he discovered the real bands far from mainstream. Condolences to the family
Stefano, Roma Italy

Never once did you get the impression that he was 'just doing a job' Gareth, Torquay, England

John Peel has, more than any single person, shaped my musical tastes and thus hundreds of life changing experiences as a result. Everything about his work told of a man who lived for the joy of what he loved the most, music and his family. Never once did you get the impression that he was 'just doing a job', never once did you feel he was doing it for the status. My thanks and thoughts are with your family. Bless you John Peel
Gareth, Torquay, England

Hard to believe that the man I used to listen to under the bedcovers and who introduced me to music that my parents wouldn't like is no longer with us. I will really miss his voice.
Rachel Rogers, Weymouth, UK

John Peel phoned me up once to tell me that he loved the CD of my band that I'd just sent him. I couldn't believe it. He was a fantastic, utterly unique man, and his love of music did nothing less than enrich the cultural life of this country. He will be sadly missed.
Steven, London

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Friday 1st October 2004

Permalink 01.10.04 @ 8:25:00 PM Categories: Local Sites

Phoenix FM

Permalink 01.10.04 @ 8:24:03 PM Categories: Fave Blogs

Permalink 01.10.04 @ 7:39:35 PM Categories: Local Sites

Pussycat Lodge

Permalink 01.10.04 @ 7:24:46 PM Categories: Fave Sites

Permalink 01.10.04 @ 7:06:13 PM Categories: Boredtown, Arty Graphix

600high (200mm)

Permalink 01.10.04 @ 6:35:56 PM Categories: Fave Blogs


Permalink 01.10.04 @ 6:25:03 PM Categories: Local Sites

this is brentwood

Permalink 01.10.04 @ 5:42:18 PM Categories: Sites wot are crap

Brentwood Council

Permalink 01.10.04 @ 5:40:41 PM Categories: Sites wot are crap


Permalink 01.10.04 @ 5:32:57 PM Categories: Fave Sites

ARKive - Life on Earth

Permalink 01.10.04 @ 3:55:22 PM Categories: Local Sites

Essex Wildlife Trust

Permalink 01.10.04 @ 1:47:44 PM Categories: Local Sites

Brentwood on the map

Permalink 01.10.04 @ 1:38:33 PM Categories: Useful sites

Brentwood Statistics

Permalink 01.10.04 @ 12:17:25 PM Categories: Local Sites

Brentwood Crossroads

Permalink 01.10.04 @ 11:41:19 AM Categories: Local Sites

Brentwood Ramblers

Permalink 01.10.04 @ 10:47:26 AM Categories: Local Sites

Dennis Rookard

Permalink 01.10.04 @ 10:32:47 AM Categories: Fave Sites

Industorious Clock

Permalink 01.10.04 @ 10:27:16 AM Categories: Fave Sites


Permalink 01.10.04 @ 9:58:34 AM Categories: Fave Sites

Worldwatch Institute

Permalink 01.10.04 @ 9:15:08 AM Categories: Fave Blogs


Permalink 01.10.04 @ 5:41:25 AM Categories: Local Sites

Secret Nuclear Bunker

Permalink 01.10.04 @ 5:37:41 AM Categories: Local Sites

Hopefield Animal Sanctuary